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The Daily Struggle

  • Writer: PLNews
    PLNews
  • Jan 6, 2018
  • 2 min read

Jan 06, 2018

Hello. This is a closed blog and sorry if you end up here inadvertently. I'm using this an my venting diary and who knows what crap will end up on this.

We shall see how 2018 turns out. I spent way too much energy last year on things that had little to no return. My sanity and health took a huge turn for the worse and I found out a lot about who my friends are and how I'm viewed in the world.

So my daily struggle continues.

I've always had strong emotions and high anxiety. I felt they were a blessing and allowed me to experience many things on levels that most people can't even dream about. But it takes a toll over time. When my physical body got to the point of falling apart, I wasn't prepared for the lack of support. Not just within myself, but friends and family seemed to think that I was just being a wimp or drama king. Which began the self fueling saga.

I keep trying to round the corner and get back ahead of things. And I keep slipping back. Sometimes I'm dragged back or pushed back.

There is one thing I critically need in my life that seems to be a negative aspect nowadays. I want and need integrity. The honesty and openness that comes with faith and trust. Not just for my own reward. So I can believe in a world that seems to have turned upside down. Many people say just have positive thoughts and drink more water. I wish I could ignore or not see the things that seem wrong to me. But I can't. And it drains me. So I stay to myself. Not only to regain some energy but to minimize my impact on others. It's not that i don't care about them, its just the opposite. The anguish i feel for causing them stress or hardship doesn't go away. One day there might be someone that wants to understand me. And maybe they'll want enough to be there when the light dims.

But till then, I'll write some things down and build some things and keep an eye out for a homestead.

Until next time.... A&F

 
 
 

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